When pain isn't fun

               

Have you ever when on a long road trip in the car. You get in buckle up get comfortable and head out on your journey. After five or so hours on the road the old bladder tells you it's time to recycle that mornings coffee and the gas gauge tells you it's time to feed the horses again. So you pull in at the next rest stop. You unbuckle open the door and step out and you are greeted with stiff achy legs and your first few steps looks like your an extra walking in a bad zombie movie. Now image that achy leg feeling multiplied by 20. That's how I feel every day and it does not go away after I walk around a bit. I once went on long hikes in the bush, or spend 16 to 18 hour on my feet in my shop building kitchen cabinets or a piece of furniture. Or visited other cities and did the tourist thing and walk all day to see things. Now if I force myself I am able to stand for 5 minutes before the shooting pain forces me to sit down. While I am standing my legs feel like every nerve is firing and every blood vessel is exploding and the longer I stand the more it feels like my limbs are about to imploded on themselves like a controlled building demolition. If I try and fight through it then the pain shoots up my back to the point in between the two shoulder blades. The frustrating thing for me. The doctors cannot seam to help me. At first I was told I had a back problem and was sent off to see a surgeon. After an MRI and X-ray I was told I needed surgery on my disc in my lower back. I went under the knife with the hope that after post op recovery I could get my life back on track and rebuild my future. After surgery and during recuperation I try to start walking again. In the weeks that follow instead of my legs getting stronger, they got worse. It is so frustrating. I went back to the surgeon for a follow up. He ordered another MRI and view it. I was told that what he said he would do had healed properly. When I question the surgeon on the pain that still continued in my legs, he said and I quote " that is as good as it is going to get". How is a 45 year old man suppose to use that information. Since then I have fought with the government for a pension. That pain is another story. Now I am working with a doctor in a pain management clinic. I go every week and I receive nine needles in the small of my back. The needles provide me with several hours of relief. The doctors explanation for this is, he is trying to reboot my brain. Right now I feel like I am George Carling and I am about to launch into a new rant on the state of health care (REBOOT my brain). But I will spare us that because no one can replace George. So I go about each day trying to do everything in five minute intervals.
   I also suffered a total breakdown and now live each day fighting back from a major depression. For those of you who are moaning not another story about depression, just get over it already. Not long a go I would of been one of the people moaning. I lived life thinking oh just get to work and get your mind off of it (it being whatever the problem was). Well life kicked my legs out from under me and I have to look at the world differently. Depression is like a vampire and it sucks the life out of you. But finally I started to listen to smarter people than me, and I am taking small steps towards smaller goals. Which in turn is giving me a positive look on things again.
   Now why the hell is this guy telling us all this. Well it started off as me doing an assignment for Mistress Cassidy. A blog about how people with disabilities can still enjoy everything that is BDSM. Mistress asked me not ordered me if I could share my story if I was comfortable. That the reason for the autobiography. But as the words poured out, my mind came alive. A feeling I have not have in a long time, not since the last project I finished in my shop. The spark of creativity. So I am going to enlighten you as to what it is like to be a LDR slave with a disability and the challenges it imposes, which there are many. I am also going to find other disable slave on social media and find out how they server their owner with their own set of challenges. I would like to talk to Mistresses and Masters as well to see how their disabilities influence their roles. But before I can do that I have to remember that I am still a collared slave and I need permission from my Mistress to talk to other Dom/mes.
   I am going to to stop here for now. I want to post this so I don't get in trouble for the length of time it took to get it up. At less my intention is clear. I hope to have my experience post by Sunday.