How Mistress Cassidy helped with my disablity

                                




April 3 2017 I signed my contract becoming for the first time a LDR collared slave. In fact it is the first time as an adult that I am owned as a slave and I am happy to be one. Just being called slave makes me happy and encourages me to carry on one more day and not give up hope. Living with chronic pain had sucked the life from me. Being Mistress Cassidy collared slave has provided me with a senses of purpose again. Funny as this will sound, while being tormented and suffering for Mistress Cassidy I am released from my everyday disabling chronic pain. I only wish that I could serve her in real time in her play place. I read Mistress's blog and I would of love to be the first subbie to use her new ball gag.
                                        

   What I have kept from Mistress Cassidy is just how being her slave is helping me with my depression and mobility problems. Let me explain. I had a nervous breakdown the reason why is not important, but when I saw the doctors they told me I am suffering from a major depression. Live pre breakdown was crazy. 70 hour work weeks, endless deadlines and never satisfied clientele. I was on the hamster wheel and going nowhere fast. 

   BAM! brick wall midlife crisis. For 2 years I was like an infant again. I couldn't make decision on any thing. I was afraid to look at the bank account, I wasn't working. Not from a  lack of trying. I did try to return to work, but I could not do it. I was weak, I couldn't make simple calculation which made me frustrated that led to the anxiety attacks. I stopped trying when I was having suicidal thoughts. I spent a lot of time starring at the TV blankly. I remember one time the car was covered in ice. Now I am no stranger to winter weather, but this time I looked at the car and the ice and started crying. All I had to do is get the scrapper and clear it, but my arms felt like anchors and hurt so much and in my view of life everything look bleak

   Now insult to injury. During this time I start with back and leg problems. Next I need surgery, which failed to help me. Bring me to present day and I am seeing a pain specialist in an attempt to walk again. I explained my disability more in my last post. go ahead check it out.

   Now you ask how does this relate to bdsm. Let me tell you how. When my head started to clear of some of the mental fog, I reached to the internet as away to escape life for a while. At first I tried to stick to vanilla topic searches. But I couldn't keep myself from exploring my passion of being a bdsm slave. At first it was pictures and videos of women being slaves and being played with. I preferred videos with female dommes with their females slaves. In my head at the time if a male was the master it was abuse. Silly hun. But I always imagined that I was the one in the models body as she was being punished. Then I discovered the word femdomme. That led me to the Devine Bitches website. This is where I saw just what a mistress can do to a male slave. I was hooked.  The internet became my mistress you could say. The internet and bdsm became my therapist and my medication. It made me feel good, and I could not wait for the next dose. Before long I came across the word hypnodomme in a search. Which l had to check out. At first I thought my dreams have been answered. I could be controlled by a mistress just with trance. Sadly I did not get the effect I was hopping for. I still love to listen to a script, I just don't go into trance. But as I continued on my journey I found FetLife which in turn introduces me to my owner Mistress Cassidy. From the moment Mistress suggested if I would like to be collared, I started to live again. Mistress has me using my brain again doing things like this blog. As her secretary slave I have learned many new things. I only wish mistress would assign more duties to me. Mistress Cassidy also has me up and moving again, she like a physical therapist to me when she has me doing task or punishments. Yes there are a lot of limitation. I can not kneel or crawl for Mistress. Lord knows I want to. As a slave in long distant training I would love to do self bondage or go out in public with a vibrating butt plug in, with Mistress controlling it with her phone, but I have flexibility issues that can get in the way. The pills I am on causes ED which is frustrating. It prevents me from serving Ma'am if she wanted to torture her slave. I fantasizes about Mistress denying me an orgasm as she has me edge myself with jerk of instructions. What serving Mistress has done for me. For starters I feel human again. I religiously watch for her emails and blog which works like electricity and recharges me. I look forward to  that task or punishments to motivated me to keep living and moving forwards. In some ways I look at serving Mistress as going to work. A reason to get up each day. I may not get a pay check. I get something more valuable. My payment is getting my life back. I guess it could be said, the more mistress makes me do things the healthier I am. 

   But let get grounded again. The back problem that cause the mobility issues had caused me to break a rule. The pain has me laying on my bed, preventing me from being a good slave and changing into panties as I must do while work on an assignment. It still a rule violation though, should I be spared having to suffer a good pain for not changing. Only Mistress can decide that. But maybe someone can speak out to save this slave from his transgression.

   So for me bdsm and Mistress Cassidy has only been great for my recovery. For those of you who see a collar as a means to hold someone back. But for me my collar has set me free and I hope Mistress has it virtual and securely locked in place for a long time and keeps me forever busy.

   Now that is my point of view of my disability and how bdsm influence me. In future blogs I intend to show how other D\s handle their disabilities in their relationships.

   Well it's 12:41 am, time to get some rest so I can do research tomorrow. Good night Mistress and good night all.

I would love to be in this slave's place with my Mistress