How do I solve a crisis

I was supposed to be writing about my first Skype session and reporting on a punishment I have to do. Sadly I am not. I had to cancel the Skype session and due to an ongoing crisis, I was unable to complete the punishment as instructed. Being a slave I am sure I will be held accountable for this failure to serve my owner. But it was unavoidable.
 Over the past few years, I have had endured a lot of challenges. On the plus side, I do have many community partners coming to the aid. And to them, I say thank you. I even have a shout out to my Owner for her shoulder. Having to serve and obey her has sometimes given me the escape I badly needed. Nobody knows how many time I wished I was able to schedule an appointment in her dungeon. Just to be able to enter a different world and reality, even for a brief time. From an LDR perspective this week I sign a contract collaring me to my owner for the next 12 months. So as her collared slave I was disappointed I failed her this week.
But this blog is not about slave allan or a scene. A punishment or a reward. Not even a smartphone-controlled device or toy. It is just your average middle age man who need an outlet for a moment. No, I am not going to running my mouth off about a service or a person. Or what things are causing my grief.
This post is actually about nothing. Or better yet it is self-therapy. As long as I am writing I am forget how tired I am from only sleeping about 10 hours over the last 5 days. And for a moment my brain is distracted and I don't feel the constant pulsing of my muscles screaming for relief in the form of sleep. I tried last night to listen to a hypnodomme file knowing I might get punished because I didn't ask for permission from my Owner. I just needed a distraction from life's pain and I was tired of the TV. Sadly the file did not give me the therapy I was searching for. Then later I was thinking like a 20-year-old. If I orgasm the release of chemicals in my brain would make me happy and sleep would soon follow I hope. A last this failed to bring the desired sleep that I dearly needed. Now I am still awake and sleep still not on the horizon, and in my quest for relief, I now have two punishable offenses hanging over my head.
Sadly from the lack of sleep I suffered a mini breakdown on Saturday morning. I was shaking, crying and rocking myself back and forth in my seat as I hugged a stuff toy. The questions that was being asking me that require me making a decision. I couldn't respond to. I just stared blankly at the wall.
Anyone who has followed this blog since the beginning knows all about my mental and physical challenges. This episode scared me a lot. I know all to well what depression is and I do not wish to see the bottom of that hole again anytime soon.
So why am I writing this. I really don't know. Maybe part of me is hoping for an idea to make things right in the world again. And part of me is looking for comfort. The one constant though. Tomorrow I will get up look life in the face to see what the day might bring.

Bye.
slave allan