Sunday, January 13, 2019

Go figure. I was Q and A

I wanted to share a piece I did for a nice couple who contacted me on one of the social media platforms that I visit when I can. These two people are on their own journey of discovery with BDSM. They asked if the could send me some question to answer for them, to which I agreed. I would. like to share that exchange now.

Thank you so much!
Alright so if any of the questions that you feel to be too invasive, feel free to skip them but just for the sake of staying organized do you mind numbering your answers to correspond with the numbers on the questions?

1- What brought you to the idea of trying BDSM?

Ans: What brought me to BDSM. Like so many others it stems from childhood. I was a youngster and my two friends played a game. One friend and I would strip naked and the other friend pretend to tie us up by wrapping a cord around us the auction us off to make belief buyers. It was from there that I discovered I like being submissive, in bondage and naked in front of others.

2- What was the first time you heard about BDSM- like activities?

Ans: The first time I discovered BDSM as an activity. There are two things. First I found one of my father's Penthouse Forums. At your age, you probably never heard of it. I was a teenager pre Internet so we read erotic tales. In that book, there was a tale about a student being held back after gym class. In the story, the instructor had the student remove there clothing, used skipping rope for bondage. And for the first time, I discovered nipple play when clothes pins being clipped to nipples in the story. The other thing that brought the word BDSM to the forefront was the scandal with the first black woman to win the Miss America pageant, having naked pictures of her surfacing before becoming a beauty queen. She had on a leather harness and a pair of handcuffs. Of course, the media had a field day and every news report was mentioning the phase BDSM. A side note Miss America looked amazing in the pictures.

3- How long have you been in the community (not specifically FetLife, but any community/ conversation with other participants)?

Ans: I became active three years ago. Before that, it was Internet videos and stories. I then stumbled into erotic hypnosis and hypnodommes. Off of that, I found Fetlife and a wonderful person by the name of Mistress Cassidy. Now I am on many platforms learning tons more from many others.

4- How long have you been “into” BDSM?

Ans:  I have been interested in BDSM ever since reading that first book. I try to get people to tie me up under the guise of being able to escape. I have tried self-bondage and edging and for a while, I was an LDR sub to Mistress Cassidy. But sadly I never had the opportunity to play with another as an adult. My partner is not interested in BDSM. Her understanding comes from the "Fifty Shades" books. As much as I wish to play with someone in person in real life. I can not bring myself to doing it. So I skirt the edges of my real life collar by chatting online. I am still refraining from cam and voice for the time being. But to answer your question thirty-five years.

5- What tips or tricks do you have for remaining safe during BDSM activities?

Ans:  I have nothing to add to tips for being safe than what is commonly excepted now. Use safe words, NO means no not maybe. Trust and respect. And if you tell your partner that it is getting too much and they don't back down. Then that is considered abuse in my book. And mostly don't do something you consider unsafe. I personally don't approve of anything that blocks my breathing. I consider it dangerous and won't do it. As an individual, you have to decide what your willing to consider safe.

6- What have you found to be effective when it comes to safety words/phrases/signals?
 Ans: There is an expression that goes "If it isn't broken don't fix it." the stop light method of red, yellow, green works fine. Why change it, and if gaged shaking your head no while muffling the word no, cannot be interpreted any other way.

7- In your eyes what is the best way to get safety (SSC CODE) information to the public and those experimenting in a respectful yet effective manner?

Ans: You're doing the right thing now. In your question, you are mentioning the Safe, Sane, Consensual motto. Just like anything in life it is up to the older people in the community to educate the newer people on how to be safe. And for the record, this is one time that age does not equal experience wisdom. A player who is twenty-eight and has been active in the scene for five years can certainly educate a fifty-year-old new to the scene how to play safe.

8- How has being involved in BDSM activities helped you in your life and in your progression as a human?

Ans:  Ever since becoming active online I have come out of my shell. I have had some low times over the last several years. It has been talking with others like yourself about topics you would never mention to your pal in the coffee shop. Take me, for example, I have spoken openly about my E.D and depression in groups here on FetLife. And I am not ashamed of it either.

9- What are your personal boundaries on Safe Sane & Consensual or rather how would you define each term?

Ans: Boundaries as in limits? Well, I mention breath play as out. Now, remember these are my boundaries and I am not dictating to others as to what they should or should not do. But for me, things like scat and golden shower or toilet slave is completely out. There is a bunch of medical reason why it is not on my playlist as SSC. I don't do branding, burning or anything that will cut the skin. I will allow myself to be flogged with force if it doesn't draw blood or leave permanent marks. I saw this once on a documentary where a person had himself hung like a side of beef in a butcher shop from this huge piercing at his shoulder blades. All I can say is "Hell no" I am sure there are others, but it is going on 12:30 am and my brain is tired.

10- What benefits could you find in making the BDSM lifestyle more socially transparent/ acceptable?

Ans: Ok, let's compare BDSM to something else like depression and mental health. It wasn't that long ago that a person would hide in shame because of their mental illness. We are raised to be competitive, go-getter, never slowdown that when we encounter someone with mental illness, we would just push them aside or worse walk over them. Now we talk openly about mental health and big strides are being made at educating people about it. BDSM could use the same approach. For one having BDSM mainstream would make it safer. People wouldn't need to be meeting stranger in dark ally's anymore which can be dangerous. You would no longer feel sleazy looking for a book on BDSM 101 in the book store. From a professional standpoint, safety guidelines could then be enforced. A professional provider would then be contributing their taxes and be openly proud of their profession like any other small business. And like anything that becomes mainstream the public will lose it mystic about it and true lovers of BDSM would be free to explore their passion.

Thank you so much for your responses! We have been waiting for someone to reply with the spark we are looking for and I feel like your energy and enthusiasm (not to mention your lengthy (hehe) responses) are felt deeply and with much gratitude! You have brought us back to why we first started looking into this with your response for number 10. :) I have very much enjoyed messaging with you and I am sure I will ask for more insight from you, given your extremely thought-through approach to this concept.

Thank you, a thousand times.

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